walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
