I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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