We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
