Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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