Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
