My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
