This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high