I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human