Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.