I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.