Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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