He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
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somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
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Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.