speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
