You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.