You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
