Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
