you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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