Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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