none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
