two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
