yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
of course. lets lasso hookers.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
