i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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