Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
