i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
