I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
