two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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