He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
