I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
