new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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