Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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