HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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