that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
