My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
