ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My bed smells like the plague
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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