the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
