Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
