i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
