bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
