I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Drunk is not a location!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
