Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
