im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
