2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You are a genius and a whore.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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