Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
