shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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