I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
