I faked an abortion last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
