im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
