She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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