i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize