My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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