i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
