I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
