benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
