It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
