Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
