At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
