I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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