so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
