I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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