I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
