You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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