What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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