I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I still have a little drunk in my system
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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