yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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