Sry I called you an 8
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Semen is not good for contacts.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
