Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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