did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
