I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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