Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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