I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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