I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
