this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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