Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
