We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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