i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize