I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
