We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
