I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
