just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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