Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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