just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
