It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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