no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
