yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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