Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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