She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
