i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
